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🧿 Psychology
Are you in a toxic relationship?
Screen for emotional manipulation and unhealthy dynamics.
Rate each statement 1 (never) to 5 (constantly). Think about your current or most recent relationship.
1My partner criticizes or belittles me in front of others.
2I feel like I'm "walking on eggshells" around my partner.
3My partner uses the silent treatment as punishment.
4I feel isolated from friends or family because of my relationship.
5Arguments escalate quickly and I end up apologizing even when I didn't do anything wrong.
6My partner makes me feel like everything is my fault.
7I've changed who I am to avoid conflict in this relationship.
8My partner monitors my phone, social media, or whereabouts.
9After fights, there's an intense "honeymoon" period that makes everything seem fine.
10I often wonder if I'm being too sensitive or if my feelings are valid.
Recognizing toxic relationship patterns
Gottman's research identifies 4 "horsemen" that predict relationship failure with 93% accuracy: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. This quiz also screens for emotional abuse patterns identified in clinical research.
Score interpretation
- 10-15: Healthy relationship — normal occasional conflict
- 16-25: Some concerning patterns — worth addressing
- 26-35: Significant toxicity — relationship is causing harm
- 36-50: Highly toxic — consider professional help or safety planning
Red flags from research
- Contempt is the #1 predictor of divorce (Gottman, 94% accuracy)
- The cycle: Tension → Incident → Reconciliation → Calm → Repeat (Walker 1979)
- Gaslighting: Items 6 and 10 screen for reality-distortion tactics
- Isolation (item 4) is one of the earliest warning signs of abuse
- 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men experience intimate partner violence (CDC)
- On average, people in abusive relationships make 7 attempts to leave before succeeding
Sources: Gottman (1994, "Four Horsemen"), Walker (1979, cycle of abuse), CDC NISVS, Johnson (2008, coercive control).
If you scored 36+ or feel unsafe: National DV Hotline 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org